Friday, August 22, 2008

And What's Denny Been Up To Lately?



So I had hip replacement surgery on Tuesday. My right hip has been giving me grief and misery for years, despite my otherwise perky youthfulness. It’s gone downhill fast the last couple years (hmmm, have I recently become more active? Been lifting 25 pounds or more? Twisting? Turning? Going down slides?), so Joe and I decided the time was now, after Emma has settled in to being home but before she’s a teenager and doesn’t want me to push her on the swings anymore, to have the deed performed.

Surgeons have made mighty strides in the hip replacement arena the last few years. My surgery was called a DASH (Direct Anterior Surgical Hip). Spiffy name, no? Instead of making a long incision on the side of the offending leg, cutting through muscles, etc., the surgeon makes a much smaller incision on the front of the leg, kinda scoots the muscles over (“outta my way…”) and slips in the new Kryptonite ball and socket. Recovery time is greatly reduced with the DASH because muscles don’t have to heal, and there aren’t any of the old movement restrictions of former hip recoveries (“Do not under any circumstances bend the operated leg more than 43.7 degrees to the upper right or the new hip will esplode and you will be left a quivering mass on the bathroom tile.”)

They performed the surgery on a high-techy looking machine like this.




I was unconscious before they strapped me in, so I can only hope that I got to wear the sporty yellow leotard, but I was awake when they put the ski-boot things on me. After they put the boots on, they said, “Everybody wears a party hat!” and put my hair in an industrial-strength shower cap. What a fun group! Then they said, “We’re going to shoot something in your IV to relax you a little bit,“ which I think is their way of saying, “So long, suckah.” I remember the pleasant sensation of revolving slowly on an air mattress in the swimming pool and chirpily announcing, “Wow, I can really FEEL this!” (I wanted to assure them that if their goal was to relax me then, yes, I was indeed relaxed. Well done! All of you!) And then the lights went out.

The next 36 hours were not as kind. I’ll gloss over the sorry details of throwing up (twice), crying like a little girl, being imperious and whiny with the night nurse (Jeremy), and downright crabby to the defenseless young food services worker who brought me breakfast and then tried to make a quick getaway (“Hey! How can I eat if I can’t sit up, move my table around or make my bed go up and down? No one showed me what to do!”)

But my, by Day 2, after I was released from my tangle of tubes and was able to get up and give the new joint a test drive, I felt ever so much improved. I can now stand up straight with both feet flat on the floor, which I could not do pre-surgery (I listed to port). If any of you take this ability for granted, I urge you to stand up straight right now and relish the sensation.

Now I’m home and feeling quite good. I’m using a walker, which makes me think of the old ladies dancing in “The Producers.” I expect to graduate to a cane before too long, and then to vigorous backward hand springs by Halloween. Hip hip hooray for E. Marc Mariani, M.D., who wears such attractive suits and also is a whiz of a surgeon. I highly recommend him. Joe has taken stellar care of Emma. He makes her fabulous breakfasts (sausage, homemade biscuits, fried eggs), buys her new clothes, and takes her on fun outings. And my mom and dad and other family and friends have been extremely attentive. I am most grateful!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow.you make it sound like you have been to an amusement park..sort of! Hang in there. Hope you heal quickly and you are back to chasing Miss Emma soon. The walker sounds pretty classy:)

The Oregonians said...

Great "blow by blow" description.
And before you know it, you'll be holding Emma in your lap again.
We love you.

The Oregonians said...

Can any of you savvy bloggers tell me how to change the name of our blog to say "G and G Hiatt" instead of the nonsense that came out? (No, it is not my typing error).
Also --Any clues on how to add our picture?

andrea said...

Good luck with recovery, Denny! I've heard lots of ice cream and BBQ ribs help a lot. :)

Anonymous said...

Isn't it amazing what the medical community can do these days? I hope the recovery goes well and you'll be enjoying slides again soon.

Anonymous said...

How can a person be funny 48 hours after hip replacement surgery? You are incredible - I can't wait for you to get through the "icky" part of healing and find out all of the antics you will be able to do now that you couldn't do before!
Love,
Barbralicious

Andrew said...

I have been to India for my hip replacement treatment. I did a lot of research and found out about www.valuemedicare.com, a leader in medical tourism. ValueMedicare gave me excellent services. Though this company is a little expensive compare to other medical tourism companies(though it is still very cheap compare to US) but then you get treated by the best doctors in the best hospitals.

Ang said...

Denny, this is the best post-surgery recap I've ever read. And you'll have to come trick or treating at our house and show us your back handsprings :-). I'm glad you're doing so well. Heal fast! And I'll stand up right now, straight, and be grateful for it, in your honor.

liz said...

Gosh, I'm feeling a little sheepish that I didn't know about this -- shouldn't I have been assigned to bring you dinner or something? Ah, I missed Relief Society Sunday. Maybe that's why. Anyway, glad your spirits are up, and please call if I can help with Emma or anything else. It will be so great to see you walk without that limp, which always made me worry you were in pain.

laurel said...

I am so sorry! But we hope that it means many years of pain free days! Here is to getting back to normal soon!!!! Hang in there.

LB said...

I just have a hard time imagining you as being imperious or whiny. I also have some piano lesson questions for you so I'll be calling sometime in the near future - and maybe we can get the youngsters together...

Anonymous said...

Oh Denny, you poor thing. Whimpering like a school girl. Putting up with a mean night nurse. Good night nurse!

The high tech surgery table looked scary - like you might fall off. sure glad you didn't.

I'm glad you got this done and that you had a competent surgeon and tender loving post-op care.

I stand, I walk, I list to starboard. The right calf muscle is shorter than the left. My right hip is the worst. My cortisone injections are starting to wear off after 2 1/2 months. Soon it will be back to creeping around slowly, barely making it up the stairs and holding on to the end of the bench for several seconds when I have to get up to play the organ so that I won't have to walk like Walter Brennan those first few steps. Must walk "cool" before the congregation. But I yearn for a cane at moments like that.

Take care, baby sistuh
XOXO

Julia Warren said...

I too loved your post-op play by play. I am so glad you're feeling better and can stand up straight and tall! Hope you have a swift recovery Denny. Much love.

Grandma Gerri said...

Thank the lord for the modern mysteries of medicine. Feel better and get well soon.