A Fine Mess

This picture has nothing to do with the post. It is just a summery scene.

I have been told this is the stuff of legends. I suppose it could be. Families sitting around the dinner table years from now will look back to smirk and guffaw; and were I totally innocent of doing the same, I might cringe. But alas, I myself still get a chuckle at long ago instances of fast meeting testimony singers and too-detailed health updates and travelogues. So here you go, all those that missed the actual incident. Jest away (everybody else in church did)!

So there I was....I remember it as though it was yesterday. Probably because it was yesterday. It was the end of a fine sacrament meeting and Denny was playing the organ for the congregation. We have been trying to get Emma to settle down a bit in church, so I sat near the front with her. Denny joined us in between hymns. After the last speaker finished, Denny went up front to play the last tune, ol' number 35, "For the Strength of the Hills."

The first three verses went as expected. In fact, if Felicia D. Hermans had stopped writing at three verses, I wouldn't be telling this sad yet fascinating tale. Where was I? Oh yeah, Emma started walking slowly to the front. I was thinking "she won't go up to the stand." I flashed her the sign for "candy" as she glanced back, and she quickly returned. She took off again, having broken the proverbial "up on the stand" barrier and went directly to Denny, who now had her attention divided. As Emma climbed up on the bench, two things happened. The world slowed waaaaaay down, and Denny looked down and asked me to come up and get Emma.

I took off for the stand, ducking under poor Sister Gurr who was leading. As I went around the back of the organ, I stepped down on Denny's organ bag, slipped, and nearly went down like a sack of hammers. Them organ bags is slippery. By this time, any hope of surprising Emma was out the stain-glassed window, and she latched on to Denny's neck like Crusher Kowalski doing a full-nelson on a weaker foe (weren't they all weaker?).

In retrospect, I should have taken my chances with letting her stay on Denny's lap. Instead, I grabbed on and pulled, expecting her grip to give. It didn't. Must have been a fine sight. I'm told that those who were asleep or missed church are still kicking themselves. Denny's glasses were totally askew, and her hair was across her face. I had Emma around the waist, and she was hanging on to Denny's neck for all she was worth. A bizarre sight by any measure, much like a scene from Dante's "Tag team match from hell."

I finally got Emma free after nearly pulling Denny off of the bench. To her credit, and to the amazement of the whole congregation, she never missed a beat! Great work. Eye of the tiger. Battle zone organing.

Some poor soul had to then come up and give the final prayer amid the laughs. Emma then jumped down like nothing happened, and scurried into nursery.

There you have it. Use it. Share it. Change the names if you wish or quote verbatim. It's all true. My only hope is that it quickly fades from everybody's memory, or that something even more bizarre happens in church to somebody else. Fat chance. Ok then.